The Return of Drunk Lindsay

Well, Drunk Lindsay's back.

Yes. It is 7:40 in the PM and I'm finally out of bed. Last night was Billy's birthday so we all met up at Zen bar. Good times were had by all. Don't remember leaving the bar or going to Billy's house afterwards, but apparently that's what we did. I do remember making Richard suck Jager off the table through a straw.

Oh, and if you're giving me a ride to the bar, don't bother washing your car the day before. I will vomit out the window in transit. It's just what Drunk Lindsay does.

Today I awoke to find my bed quite damp (Even the foot of the bed, so not like I peed or anything. I know what you're thinking.) and 2 of my tanks, which I had left on my bed before going out, sopping wet and thrown over my shower curtain rod. I have no idea why. There's no evidence of a glass or water bottle anywhere. I'm having a hard time accepting that I will never know what the hell I did to those shirts. Only Ralph knows what really happened and he's not talkin.

I'm dizzy and going back to bed.

- Drunk Lindsay

Music in the Night

Tonight Ralph and I went jogging. We passed a house with its windows open and someone inside was jamming out some classical piano. So we slowed down to enjoy it (and kinda because I was about to die) and then did a u-turn so I could make another pass to listen more. As we're slowly strolling down the street, the piano suddenly stops and this woman appears in the kitchen window. She just looks at me. I felt dirty and I don't know why. I wanted to tell her she sounded great, but didn't feel like going to jail. I miss my piano. Bad. I found a baby grand for $1900 in the paper today. Lindsay's piano fund has -$500. Guess I'll have to stick to my Casio for now.

Sidenote: Is it bad that I pretty much really kinda desperately want to see Stick It?

Fed-Ex love: always delivered on time!

I have the cube nearest our door so when there are deliveries I tend to be the one to get to sign for them. I have earned the nickname "Prairie Dog" because I pop up to look over my cube when the door opens. The Fed-Ex guy has finally learned to just walk around our couch and bring the stuff to my wall versus walking into the actual office. He has begun to get more and more chatty each time, wanting to talk about where I am from and how I always look so smily and happy. I take grief for this from my co-workers and alot of amusing "awwwww he liks you" crap comes out of their mouths. I dont even know the his name but he sure is good at spelling my last name now from looking at my signature.


It was all an amusing office joke until this morning. I arrive at work, to find a co-worker sitting in my chair waiting for me. He starts laughing and says "Guess what?!?" I of course dont know so he tells me this story.

"I went to the Fed-Ex place to overnight our stuff to the client in Houston and as I was walking out a Fed-Ex guy stopped me and said "Hey, I know you." Co-Worker didnt know him but said "OK..." The Fed-Ex guy then said "You work with Elisabeth!" "She has the prettiest smile, I love bringing things to your work because she is so nice."
Co-Worker then left laughing.

My entire office (all like 9 other people) hid behind the wall when we saw the Fed-Ex truck roll up so they could see the interaction of myself and Mr. Fed-Ex. Sadly, it was our female delivery person, so my entire office is now all excited for tomorrow morning.

I have now been taking crap all day about how our packages will always be on time if I date him, but we cant break up because then he will lose our packages. I cant wait to be out of the office for a few days and find out they pimped me out or something...

Song O' the day is: U R the One by D12- Lyrics include,

First time I saw you, up in them guests,
you the only reason I use Federal Express.
Shit, I don't be havin' no packages. Naw,
I'm getting dressers, lamps, and big matresses.

-LizTunes

JUST SMASHING

This morning I was involved in a low speed auto collision. I was informed that the earliest I can go in for an estimate is next Wednesday, the 26th. My insurance company instructed me to either tie my bumper back on or rip it off completely so I can drive it until then.

All I need now is a couple of messy-haired kids in the backseat, a row of sun-bleached Beanie Babies (tags still on) in the rear windshield and a few anti-war bumper stickers and I'm set.

By the way, I'm going by the name Sharla McWelfare until I get said bumper fixed. Call me! Oh wait, those bastards disconnected my phone. Nevermind.

Front Tucks, and My Giant (the story continues)

I love BJ's pizza. I was looking forward to it from the moment that we decided to go there for dinner. After calling all the troops to put together "random night in addison" I went to meet LindsayTunes for some pizza and some Berry Burst Cider or "Girl Beer" as Chris called it I believe. BJ's brews the Berry Burst themselves and still managed to run out... this doesnt set a good tone. We ate our Sweet Pig and Buffalo Chicken minis and then there was some dessert that Chris thankfully helped me eat.

We then headed to Sherlock's to get some drinks and do some people watching. The three of us made a pact to each agree on someone for each of us to talk too. This never went down either, although we did have some seriously hilarious choices. The badn that was supposed to show up didnt and so they broke out Kareoke-or Scareoke as I will now be calling it. This is where we met front tuck. Who still does the front tuck? A guy named Michael singing "Piano Man" and then later that evening, "When I think about you I touch myself". There were other winners but he totally came first for me. People really need to chose their songs more carefully because it either went really hilarious or really really bad hilarious.

It was around 1:30AM i looked up in time to see a really tall guy in a red polo shirt.... ITS LITTLE BEAU PEEP!!! Lindsay prepared herself and we looking for him. She made it outside to the patio where the Wolf boys were just in time to see him hop a giant fence and leave the bar. This is when we all pretty much packed it up and went home. Lindsay took off with the Wolf Crew for hottubbing, and Chris and I headed back to get his car.

This morning Lindsay called to recap the rest of her night, and in the end said this whole little conversation...
"Hello duck in front of my apartment."
"Its a malard"
"Is a duck in front of you lucky?"
"I say it is, because Duck rhymes with Luck"

I hope everyone has a Duck Luck Day!
-Listen to some Matt Nathenson in preparation of the awesomeness that will take place at Gypsy Tea Room tonight! Lindsay likes "Angel", I like "Lucky Boy".
Happy Almost Easter!

-LizTunes

Retail Therapy

I like to spend money I dont have. Those like me are "30Thousandairs".
Last night I bought my first designer bag. It was the Coach Signature Large Tote. For the cost of this bag I expect it to last forever. I know it wont, but I am going to pretend. My friend Allison bought it too, we were the devils on each others shoulder's making the other throw down that credit card and walk out with a big new bag!

This all started with a disturbing email that I wont get into. It ended with my talking to my father on the phone in Foleys and him saying "Sometimes its better to spend money when you are feeling blue then do anything else." Ladies and gentlemen I present: Coach Bag!

She is so pretty, and large, and useful. And I fear I will never take her in public because something might happen to her and ruin her.

On another note, its International Special Librarians Day. This is an international Holiday asking you to celebrate librarians. I will be celebrating the best way I know how, using my Carmen Electra Striptease areobics DVD- Disc 3 "The sassy librarian routine" I will be stripping my way to fitness in the comfort of my own apartment. There really is very little stripping involved and a serious amount of head rolls but the sassy librarian routine is very sassy.

Download yourself : At the Library by GreenDay and read yourself a book!
-Liz

My Giant: The photo evidence

Ok, I realize I am probably going to die a slow painful death for this... BUT I couldnt resist. Since LindsayTunes has yet to have time to upload the pictures and or send them to me, this will have to do as the unveiling of LBP. He really is more handsome then this...



Out of the four boys we met, Lindsay can attest to the fact that I thought Beau was the cutest. I ended up with High Kyle who kept rubbing my elbow.

All in all a top night, with a top photo to go with it!

Song o' the day: They might be Giants by They might be Giants!

Its 10:45AM that means that I have about 8 hours until 6:45 when I figure Lindsay might begin her assault on my life.

-LizTunes

My Giant: My Side of the Story

I am finally posting. It's not going to be very good. And the modeling debut recap is coming soon (as soon as I figure out if it's legal to post a pic or two from the shoot on here).

Liz and I ventured out to Uptown last Friday because we were thirsty and enjoy smelling like smoke. When ordering our second round, Liz made me more proud than I've ever been of her. She pulled the good old "Hey what did they just order? It looks good." What did they order you ask? A shot called Royal Fuck. It was bright red and tasted like a sugar-coated strawberry infused with rainbows and sex. Delicious. We each had 2.

This is when I met my giant. I was wearing heels and he was still towering over me. Drunk Lindsay finds these things amusing. Drunk Lindsay also likes to give her number out. So sue me. Doesn't matter, he hasn't called anyway and there's a chance I messed up my phone number. For some reason the middle 3 digits give me trouble after 2am. Don't judge me.

Oh, and I guess I'm supposed to have a song. Let's go with "Interruptions" by Rogue Wave.

-Lindsay

Hard Rockin, Pancakes, and humiliation- This is your Saturday night.

I have several friends.... they will remain unnamed to protect them (and honestly myself), who have now taken one tiny tiny silly little comment/crush and twisted it into something humiliating.

The comment was this : "I can be your tiny dancer, little drummer boy..."

The kid plays drums in a band, and is cute, these are not bad things. He is musically gifted and taller than me, whats not to like about this situation? Besides the fact, that my fellow blogger told me to "Grow some balls, and talk to him," I havent managed to do that yet. I talk big, I just dont act on the hilarious verbage that comes out of my mouth. Last night I believe there was also some sort of a "meat" comment made, that got me into some trouble.

Post HSATRG concert I went to IHOP for some pancakes and a plateful of humiliation. Thats where the grow some balls comment got played. Its your true friends that will totally make sure you wish you had never made any kind of statement...

I have now been made the humiation target of some photo captions, had lyrics to Little Drummer Boy placed on my FB. Its all in good fun, and when you cant beat them (which is illegal), I say join them. The Kid doesnt have FB as far as we know, and even if he did, I am pretty fantastic. It would be to his great advantage to have me as music muse.

Tonight I am embracing the whole "Little Drummer Boy" Humiliation 2K6. For your viewing pleasure, a picture of my playing the skins, not in an attempt to woo LDB, but just because i wish i had a shread of musical ability. I was in a musical in high school, and I really think the only true coreography was keeping me away from the mikes. When you are one of the better dancers of the cast and end up in front alot its a truly awesome feat to witness never really being near the mikes, unless I had one of my three speaking parts.


All in all, nothing but laughter and fun will come of this situation because I dont see myself turning into an true band groupie anytime soon, but a big happy shoutout to the boys of the Hardin Sweaty and the Ready to Go for an awesome show, that included my personal favorite "Tonight you will be mine" -the love theme from Cakes the musical. I got to have a prom slow dance moment and everything.

I swear LindsayTunes will eventually post something making this a true both of us blog, she just is waiting for her modeling shots to come in from the photographer.

Tonights music to download/listen too: Tiny Dancer by Elton John/ or Tim McGraw and Little Drummer Boy by whomever you choose. I have the Sinatra version and its lovely.

Stay Classy Dallas!
-LizTunes

Workin' til dawn

As many of you know, Lindsay and I both work in the wonderful world of advertising. She works on the Creative side on a "phone utilities account". I work on the Media side of an "automotive account". Now with all this glamour shining on us, I move on to the sad tale of "Workin' til dawn".

It was your usual Thursday rush trying to get projects done for whatever client meeting we had stupidly scheduled for 9AM on a Friday morning. Usually yours truly spends alot of time on the behind the scenes portion of these meetings doing the initial research or begining of the project to have her hard work taken credit for by her boss. On this night however, silly boss man couldnt do it all of his stuff on his own so I started taking on larger parts of the projects. 5:30PM arived, and everyone started to pack up... sortive. It was as this moment that our amazing Copier/Scanner/Fax went on strike and the big boss of our entire group started throwing f-bombs and kicking it with his cowboy boots. It would have been funnier if I wasnt at that moment thinking I was going to have to hand crank copies of the 400 documents we needed 12 copies of.

It was 11PM when my boss started to go kinda nutty and irrational. I felt like the only sane person left, and since everyone but myself and him had gone home... I WAS. He was cursing and "going to get breaths of fresh air" and generally making me believe that we were going to have to fit him for a straight jacket by midnight. We use IM in our office, so I was chatting with friends and a couple of my co-workers throughtout the night, eventually one of them came back to the office to hang with me and see if he could help. He was my favorite co-worker, but I am now making it official on the blog, where things are really serious business.

We left at 1AM, as in Friday morning. Not only do I not get paid enough in general, but after getting to the office at 9 am the previous day, the daily wage had become less than what I got paid at my old college job. I did however get about 1000 thank yous and get to attend the big meeting. The meeting lasted 2 hours, we then went to lunch for 2 hours, came back to the office and went on an ice cream run to then be told, "Go home sleepyheads" by the VP. All in all, I think the time has come to give myself the "Advertising Assistant Star of the week" award. Who will win next week? Tune in, since there are only two of us on this blog but we both usually have one or two crazy days.


Also, due to the insaneness that was my thursday/friday I didnt get to post about AMPERS&- an advertising/marketing 20-somethings networking group who had its first happy hour at Metro Grill in Uptown. I went there with a co-worker and some other friends. Happy Hour became happy HOURS and eventually there were seriously funny pictures taken, signs stolen, and I got to meet all of Lindsay's co-workers, who because my office is usually very tame compared to hers I get to hear alot of funny stories about. They are now somewhat scared of ( i chose to believe amused by) me.

Friday night was pretty tame it involved me, lindsay, patch and some guy (Brian? Brad?) whos name i now do not remember hanging out at Quarter Bar in Uptown until Lindsay and I made some new friends. Sadly she has the pictures, and really slow internet so I cant upload pics from last night that include boys named "Little Beau Peep" and " High Kyle". It would take her 3 years to upload them and IM them to me. We also met the son of Elton John's first female fiance (and we googled her this morning so its true). Beau earned his Little Beau Peep nickname because he is like 7 feet tall, and High Kyle got his because well he was high as a kite. We sadly did not nickname Beau, but did give Kyle his. Kyle did keep us amused by copying our facial expressions and hand movements the entire night. Lindsay says High Kyle wanted to be my "friend" I say he didnt. LBP sure was friendly with Lindsay though. I ended up proving to them that no girl is going to admit to them that she is looking to randomly hook up with a guy at the bar, but that boys would readily admit that.... Then two of the boys I asked promply offered to buy me a drink...AHHHHHHH! We ended up closing the bar with LBP and Kyle, and they introduced us to something called "lunchboxes" which are/taste gross and will never ever go anywhere near me again.

We then came back to my apartment, went to bed and woke up with no electricity, so then we decided to go to freebirds.
Tonight is the Enola/Hardin Sweaty Concert so I got to start roadtripping for Denton, with a stop in C-town for LindsayTunes.

Find the time in your life today to rock out to "Rock DJ" by Robbie Williams it will not only give you the much needed cardio all our doctors think we shoudl get, its just so dang fun!

-LizTunes

ME vs. Gatorade

So on this wonderous morning I actually got up and attempted to look cute. I know you are thinking, "Liz you are always fabulous", but today I wanted to go for super-fabulous. I pulled my most favorite pants- white with a black pinstripe, straightened my hair, and actually put on make-up. This is a big day for me, its usually hair or makeup, not both. I am not the model one on our blog, thats Lindsay's department. So I am looking "Foxy Foxy" to quote Rob Zombie and right as I walk out the door to my apartment already slightly late for work, I go to take a sip of my Red Gatorade.

WAIT!!! WHITE PANTS? RED GATORADE? This isnt going to go well...
Yup, I instead of drinking the stuff, ended up wearing it all over my white pants. I then got to leave a rather awesome message on my Boss's voicemail about having to change clothes and will be late to work.

My favorite pants are soaking in the washer right now, sadly the only other pair of pants I had clean that matched the top I already on, are completely WHITE. Stay tuned, there is no way I will make it through the day with these pants staying clean!

On happier notes, tonight is AMPERSAND happy hour and I think its going to be hilarious. I look forward to pictures I will be taking. I also look forward to gaining a roomate and a dog for the night possibly in Lindsay and Raphy.

Happy Wednesday AM!
-Liz "me, my pants, and gatorade do not agree" Z.

Hi, I'll be playing the role of homely college kid on sofa

There's a certain communications and entertainment conglomerate that I happen to write for. Said company is doing a college marketing initiative on a tiny budget, therefore, we have about $1.98 for a photo shoot. The day rate for a real model is upwards of $800. So the genius client did the math and ta-da. I'm now college-ish looking model #2 should the shoot actually get approved.

Professional hair, makeup and wardrobe does sound nice, but do I really want to be plastered around 14 campuses so kids can black out my front tooth or give me a sharpie beard? Not really. I don't have the self esteem for this business. And if the client takes one look at me and says no thanks, there's a good chance I'll cry and then have to quit my job. I'd write more but I have to go practice posing in the mirror with a cell phone.

- Lindsay

Taurus or Spaceship? Just another Saturday night!

Why Not?

Why not?!? This raises maybe the best question since I have moved to the great state of Texas. There have been mulitple adventures that sadly have not been blogged because I simply keep forgeting to get my/our act together. I take full responsiblity for this because Lindsay will probably look at me like I have grown another head when she reads the IM that I have done this, but since its on IM I wont be able to see it!

Why not?!? this statement was actually stolen from a boy we shall call "Handsy" Why you ask? Why not!?! I asked him how he earned his nickname and he responded with "Why Not?" Handsy is not his nickname, it is the nickname that he has been given by myself and Lindsay. (This is an excellent example of why we need a blogg, and of the characters that come into our lives...)

Lindsay and I have way to many adventures on a somewhat daily basis to not share them with the world. Some people will be given "nicknames" to protect them, but the rest of it is, as they say is "stranger than fiction". Don't just take my words for it. Read on as we take you into the maze that is our existance. I can only hope that now that we have the blogg to make record of adventures, that the adventures keep happening.

I will leave you with a tidbit of our last adventure in the Dallas "OC". We rode in the rear facing child seats in the back of an Taurus Station Wagon on our way out to a bar. Not because we had too, but because we were given the opportunity. How many boys do you know with an 8 person station wagon that they call the "Bar Car" because it allows alot of people to go out all together? I know 1.

Now you have an answer to Why Not, let the blogging begin!

-Liz