The Townhouse: Night 1, Day 1

The move began on Thursday 8/24 and went pretty much as I expected. There were movers, and my friend Kellen helping.

The townhouse had not been lived in since May 2006 with the water turned off for who knows how long. Due to the fact that when we first looked at it, we saw some lovely dead bugs we asked to have the house sprayed. Clearly the spray worked since I opened the door that morning to a roach cemetery. After taking care of that mess, I set about directing the placement of my room. Then Lindsay and I went and happy houred it over at Tuckers- where Lindsay won a $20 gift certificate to Tuckers that we promptly used AND I won four tickets to any rangers game in September. I was one of four in our little crew to win the tickets so get ready for a giant rangers fest blog here in the next few weeks.

Lindsay and I returned to the "TH" giddy for our first evening in the new place. She went upstairs to use her new bathroom and to check out the third floor cemetery. I was changing into my PJs when I heard a high pitched shriek and then "LIVE ROACH!!!!" She literally flew down the stairs skipping the final three entirely and ran into my bathroom. I ran up the stairs to her bathroom with Raid in hand. She came back up behind me and we covered that sucker in enough raid to probably kill 15 of em, and then she set about teaching Ralph the Dog to use his doggie door. Two minutes into that I hear again "LIVE ROACH" only this time its on the first floor and it ran into what would become Chris's room the next day. We covered his room in spray and then went upstairs and hid on the only safe floor (my floor) and waited out the night.

At 7:30AM we woke up to the door bell announcing the wonderful men delivering our new fridge and Lindsay set off to bring over a load of her stuff.

It was then that the creepiest man I have ever beheld showed up to do our Dish Network stuff. He kept coming in my room where I was unpacking to just chat and ask me the same dang questions over and over. I actually called my mother and told her that if I were to turn up missing it was this guy. I was whispering this to my mother and she asked for 5 reasons why I would say something mean about someone I don't even know when we both (she could hear it over the whispering in my room) heard the Halloween Theme cue up in the living room. Yes, I want to know who outside of October thinks that the Halloween Theme is a good ringtone. She then decided that was reason enough and asked for a description of the gentleman. It was pretty funny.

By two when Chris showed up we had phone, and dish and supposedly internet but that technically took until Sunday.

We are up and running in our new place- IM sure excellent stories to follow.

Lindsay is after all still killing at least one living superroach a night.

OH MY GOD

I CAME ACROSS SOMETHING SO RAD THAT THIS POST WILL BE DONE IN ALL CAPS. "THE TEXAS CENTAUR" IS HALF MAN, HALF HORSE, ALL BADASS. THE TEXAS CENTAUR IS AVAILABLE FOR BIRTHDAY PARTIES, BAR MITZVAHS, BAT MITZVAHS AND PRETTY MUCH ANY TIME TURKEY LEGS ARE PRESENT.

THE TEXAS CENTAUR HAS A LUXURIOUS BLONDE MULLET-ESQUE MANE THAT BLOWS REAL SEXY-LIKE AS HE DRIVES HIS PT CRUISER CONVERTABLE DOWN 75. (THE TEXAS CENTAUR NEVER GETS PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING, IT'S AN UNWRITTEN TEXAS LAW.)

NOBODY KNOWS HOW OLD THE TEXAS CENTAUR IS, BUT MY GUESS IS ABOUT 200. I BASE THIS SOLELY ON THE QUANTITY (AND LET'S FACE IT, QUALITY) OF HIS CHEST HAIR. IT'S A WELL KNOWN FACT THAT CHEST HAIR MULTIPLIES WITH AGE, SO HE CAN'T BE THAT OLD...FOR A CENTAUR.

THE TEXAS CENTAUR LOVES TWO THINGS: OVERWEIGHT CHAINMAIL-CLAD WENCHES AND THE CHILDREN. THE SITE OF THE TEXAS CENTAUR'S BURLY CHEST IS A BIT MUCH FOR THE KIDDIES, SO HE IS KIND ENOUGH TO PUT ON A SHIRT WHILE THEY RIDE HIM (ALSO PARTLY DUE TO A VERY WRITTEN FEDERAL LAW). HIS CRISP TSHIRT IS FROM THE GAP, WHERE HE GETS A DISCOUNT BECAUSE HE WORKS THERE PART TIME, USUALLY ON TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS. SERIOUSLY, GO SAY HI. HE'S CURRENTLY AT THE ONE IN THE GALLERIA DUE TO AN INCIDENT AT NORTHPARK THAT RESULTED IN HIS TRANSFER. I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT DUE TO YET ANOTHER UNWRITTEN TEXAS LAW.

THE TEXAS CENTAUR CAN BE REACHED THROUGH PRAYER OR AT THE_TEXAS_CENTAUR@YAHOO.COM.

OH MY GOD.

- LINDSAY

Cristal Toast! Chug it we're leaving.

The true and amazing us went on quite an adventure on Saturday night.

It was a friends birthday and this friend leads a very different sort of lifesyle then we do (YET).

We started our evening tarting ourselves up. Ok, we didnt tart ourselves up. I put on my beloved Koi dress (it seriously has two giant awesome koi on it.) and I tarted Lindsay up. She has legs for days afterall.

We then hit up Sense (which doesnt have a sign only a symbol on the door you CANT see) and that is where the fun began. There were discussions of peoples children that they had left at home. I mean the classiest of classy ladies have multiple children under the age of 6 and leave them at home to go out and party on night on a regular basis. There were 5 bottles of wine ordered and many many pictures taken. The birthday boy decided it was time for a champy toast for his birthday so our personal waitress came running over with a pretty bottle of the bubbly. The toast was made, everyone took a sip and then someone said "Down it we're leaving." Because everyone on a regular basis chugs their glass of Cristal.

This is also around the time I was being hit on by a older gentleman who saw me dancing from across the room and had to come tell me how beautiful I was and to ask if that was really fish on my dress. He asked me what I did, i said Media Planning and he said "Facinating". Um no, no one outside the industry knows what media planning is so you for sure dont so dont pull that with me. I asked what he did and he responded with "Make other people lots of money, but lately I have been making myself more." He then asked what we were celebrating and I told him a birthday and at that moment was the toast, to which he wispered in my ear "Is the champagne good? I would like to give a big thank you to Lindsay and Sarah for allowing this to go down by saying "they were not going to save me from him." He also asked how my investments were doing- I cant imagine why I wanted to get away from him- so chug I did.

We then went to ZaZa and enjoyed some more beverages that were free because we were a birthday party and that always nice and we had ourselves a wonderful 1:30AM photoshoot.

We did give out our business cards that night to the wonderful Elle who will someday help find us some super fab high rise lofts in uptown.

Now back to our regularly scheduled normal everyday lives.

Hey, remember the Titanic?

Yeah you do. You know all those time you say to yourself — Hey, I wish I knew how it felt to be onboard a sinking ship? The folks at Texas Sumo thought you might. Introducing the Surviving The Titanic Adventure Slide™!

Staffing: 2 ship captains.
Throughput: Up to 400 slip-sliders per hour.
(Think about it, in a few short hours, you could simulate every death that occurred on the real Titanic! Wow! Sidenote: Go ahead and put your own flair into your descent. Add some flailing and screaming, maybe go down backwards on your stomach and reach desperately for whoever's standing at the top waiting to go next. It's probably not a great idea to reenact how each individual person died, since some of them jumped over the side of the ship. You'll just break your leg bones.)

The only drawback is that you lose some realism of knowing you'll die a horrible death by drowning/freezing in the icy sea or perhaps by falling from the helm and being impaled by something awesome like a table leg. And it's an inflatable boat. And you're having crazy good fun.

I couldn't resist sharing this one either. The Kiddy A.T.V. Train may be the least safe looking thing I've seen in a long time. I'm getting one for my 24th birthday. Who's in?

- Lindsay

I foos, you lose

This weekend I realized I am awesome at three things:
1. Drinking beer
2. Playing foosball
3. Drinking beer while playing foosball

I also learned exciting new life lessons. Boys do not like to be schooled in any sport (including foosball) by a girl. And whatever anger they feel is amplified if said girl is sloppy drunk. It's all rather fuzzy, but I figure we played at least a dozen games Sunday night. My weird forearm muscles that I clearly never use for anything but the "sport" still hurt like hell. This doesn't bode well for that fitness pageant I was planning to enter.

On to the second lesson, which was a direct result of the first lesson. When you pass out at someone's house and have to work the next morning, always, ALWAYS wake up at 6am in a panic because you have to be at work in three hours. Furthermore, make sure you drive home half asleep and hit a construction barrel at 40mph. You know you're doing it right if your drivers side mirror is missing. You can go back after work and try to find it, but it won't be there. You'll think it's there, but it will turn out to be a smashed beer can. Oh, and make sure you get a picture like this one.

My sincerest apologies

Dear President of my Agency-

I am really sorry I interrupted your important call this morning.

You see, when XXXXXX, one of five VPs for the ENTIRE company calls me (which has never happened before) looking for the XXXX the VP that happens to reside in my office- I assume its an emergency of great proportions. I figure if someone in our FTL office is calling every member of my office trying to find our VP that there is the possibility of nuclear attack (or in our regions case a giant hurricane) headed straight for either them or us.

XXXXXX tells me that they have been trying XXXX's office line and cell phone and that they now tried me to confirm we had phones working in our office. XXXXXX then asks me if I can see XXXX (which I can) and then asks what XXXX is doing. I explain that it appears that XXXX is on the phone with someone. XXXXXX then tells me that she needs me to go tell XXXX that she is looking for her and needs to talk to her NOW.

Its about this time that you and I met. I walked into XXXX's office, and she puts the phone on speaker and asks me whats going on. I explain that XXXXXX is looking for her and wants to talk to her now. Then I hear a man say "Well XXXXXX can wait, she is right down the hall from me. If its really that important I will explain to her that I was the important call XXXX wasn't clicking over for. Elisabeth it's nice to meet you- I'm XXXXXX XXXXXXXXX."

I'm sorry if I sounded like a squeaky mouse when I answered back hello. But it was a big 5 minutes for me- first the VP and then you. Ya'll sign my checks, or pay someone to sign my checks- if only I could have used that moment to convince you to write me bigger checks.

It was nice to meet you!

Elisabeth

CHA-CHING

If you're not already my friend, you better start kissing my ass with a quickness for I am rich. That's right, filthy stinking rich. (Note: This is different than my everyday stink. That's just a result of my large body mass and Texas heat. When combined, they form quite the powerteam.) I'm so rich I might just hire Bomar to help me move.

I'm currently reaping the sweet rewards of the blog sellout AND I received a bonus at work today! On August 29 I will hit the one year mark and at my agency that means bonus time. I had heard rumors of anniversary bonuses and I do enjoy rumors, especially when they're true. It's just so nice when your employer shows how much you mean to them. Sure, there are other ways to show how much you're worth, but I can't really write a check valued at "asset to the company" now can I?

I've thought long and hard and have decided what I'll do with it. I'm going cash it for $1 bills and roll around naked in it. (Don't judge me, you know you'd want to do the same thing.) So while you're sitting at home watching reality TV, I'll be frollicking nude in a bed of crisp green singles...all twenty-five of them.

- Lindsay

Greetings from Virginia- I live in Maryland

I am useless with maps- totally and completely useless with maps. Lindsay can attest, most anyone I know can. That is what makes what just happened the funniest thing ever.

Phone rings and its my friend Kendra who just moved to College Park, Maryland.

Kendra: Hey Liz, I know you are at work but im totally lost and somehow in Virginia when I was trying for D.C. You have to get me back to College Park.

Me: UMMMMMM

It took 15 minutes of us guessing and her just driving slow to figure out what we think is the correct way home- she is going to call me when she gets there or when she reaches another new state.
What makes this funny is Lindsays reaction to my telling Kendra directions.

ME: i think you should know that i am giving my friend kendra directions through washington dc
Lindsay: whoa
Lindsay: you're not qualified to do that are you?
ME: i know
ME: im looking at a map, and she is giving me highways to look for.
Me: and I just gave her directions
Lindsay: Nice work

While Im clearly not qualified to give directions, heres to hoping I didnt just get her lost further or killed.

Yay for Kendra and Maryland!

-Liz

Awkward moments brought to you by your IT department

Yesterday while looking for ways to sell out our blog. I stumbled upon a ticker website. I thought it would be fun to have a ticker countdown up to the big move to addison. Instead I found a website that does fertility trackers- obviously something I am not currently in the market for. I cut the picture out and sent it to Lindsay via IM for a laugh and we joked about posting it on the blog to see what the "JUS Boys" would say about it. I then forgot all about the picture.

Today my computer crashed causing our IT department in Florida to magically take over my computer from there and figure out the problem. They use this special IM program to talk to us while they do it. After about 30 minutes of sitting there just chatting about nothing, our IT guy starts opening the pictures on my desktop. He asks me about the pictures- oh you went to a baseball game how was it type of stuff. Then he opens the picture I forgot about- the track your fertility ticker. The conversation went something like this..

IT GUY: so what other fun pictures do you have
ME: Um nothing fun on the desktop I dont think.
IT GUY: Whats this one?
(Opens it up)

IT GUY: UM, this is fun
ME: UM, thats not what it looks like
IT GUY: well that was something more entertaining then the baseball game picture.
ME: Yah, and way more akward. Stop going through my stuff.
IT GUY: I can get into your stuff anytime I want, and its clearly facinating stuff.
ME: Oh my damn.

Just another day at the office.
-Liz

My quest for a new bed: Phase One

We are moving- you already know this. What may not be aware of is my quest to redo my current bedroom since I have had the same one or pieces of the same once since I was a freshman in college- THAT'S TOO LONG MY FRIENDS. I have looked at multiple color schemes and tried to find multiple duvet covers to no success.

Then I went to the movies on Sunday with my old roommate Jacquie. We saw You, Me & Dupree. It was funny but that's not the point, the point: I loved the bed in it. Not kinda liked it, LOVED IT.

Monday morning I began my quest to find the bed. I researched the movie, I researched pictures and then I started googling headboards and beds with features similar to that of the movie bed. I even found out the name of the set designer- Barbara Munch. Today, I found a set designers website with her phone numbers. I am officially stalking Ms. Munch on my quest to find out that the bed is a one of a kind million dollar set piece and I am SOL.

I haven't had good luck with people (no word from the cute Dad with two kids from Saturday night) calling me so I am not going to hold my breath- but it would be cool to have that bed or one very similar. She also designed the sets for RENT, and The Rookie which are both movies I like.

I have a good feeling about this, or I am going to have to call her once a day until she answers and kills my hopes.

Either way the great redo of my bedroom is on! With it officially 23 days until we move into our new Townhouse!

-Liz
(Lindsay told me I didnt sign my post and I didnt want anyone to actually think she blogs)